Broken Beyond Repair

I am broken beyond repair

I have seen your face and heard your voice

But now you are as distant as a star

The gulf between us is insurmountable

Your voice I have not heard in years

I cannot hear it

Though I strain to

Though I search for you

I cannot find you

Your presence is far from me

I cannot lie

I question your existence

I question what I felt

Oh so long ago

I call your name

But there is no answer

Only the silence of a grave

I long to search and find you

But I grow weary

My feet refuse to move

I fall out of exhaustion

To my knees

And weep

I scream out your Name

In anguish

I call out again

Hoping against hope

For a different result

I call out your name

And say I remember when you saved me

3 times in my darkest hours

The first with a knife in my hands

And a cloud of darkness surrounding me

That had been there so long I no longer knew

When it had started.

I felt your arms surround me and encircle me

The clouds lifted and your peace and love

Surrounded me and flooded through me and the knife dropped from my hand and I cried and said thank you.

A second time again this happened

A year to the day almost to the minute

The third time

A stomach full of pills

More then enough to kill me I had looked it up

But I awoke with ridding myself of the pills

And I was alive still

No other reason or explanation

Can I give

As to why I still live

Other than your healing hand

Three times you have saved me

From myself

But now I can’t feel your presence

So where are you?

Why can’t I hear you

Why won’t you answer

Why won’t I listen

Why can’t I see

Why can’t I feel

I know you are near but

Your face I cannot see

Remove the scales from my eyes

Let me see

Let me feel

Let me hear

Your face

Your touch

Your voice

Pull me back to you

And bind me to you with your goodness

Like a fetter

Binding a falcon to its master

Bind me to you

So that I might no longer

Hide my face from you

And call out your name

With my face down turned

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