Muted Memories

Years of nothing

Muted memories

I’ve always wondered why

Is it because of the sleep deprivation that so filled my early years

I wonder what I have missed

What wonderful memories escape me

What horrors lurk behind the fog of memories

I want to remember the joys of years past but everything younger than 9 is lost in a a haze

I wonder what I would find if I were able to penetrate that door of fog

Would I find monsters lurking or happiness and joy that I want to remember so dearly

Even if there’s anger

Even if there’s pain, I’m okay to revisit everything

I want to visit these muted memories

I want my mind to give me permission to see beyond the veil

I want those muted memories

I want to be able to remember more times with my dad, especially now that he’s gone

I want to remember those muted memories