11 years past

I tried and failed 11 years ago now

To commit suicide

It sounds odd

But I don’t regret it

It’s shaped me in ways

I can’t fully explain

I wrote a suicide note

I can’t remember what it said

I wish I could remember

I remember what I felt that night

The hopeless desperation

The failure consuming my soul

The desperate pleading of just wanting it to end

The complete and utter hopelessness I felt

The memory of knowing it couldn’t, wouldn’t get better

I remember it all I remember the darkness that surrounded

Me that night

I can see it as clearly as I can see the sky above today

I can’t for the life of me remember the words

I wanted to leave behind to soothe those I tried to leave behind

Oh, how I wish I could remember the words

I thought would soothe a wounded soul

I’d like to look back on it and remember the folly of my actions

But it’s been lost to the sands of time

11 years past and my life is better

I’m better

I no longer feel like I’m a waste of space on this earth

I have hope for a future yet unseen

I have hope for the present

And knowledge that things do get better

11 years past and I know life Is a beautiful sacred thing

That my life is not my own to take

11 years past and I wouldn’t go back and change it for anything