Crack A Smile, But I’m Bleeding Inside 

I crack a smile or at least what passes as one for me 

But I’m bleeding inside 

Rack up the years leaving behind your memory 

Trying to outrun your ghost and my own grief 

It’s like trying to outrun a speeding car coming towards you 

But still, I keep trying  

Even though I’ve learned it doesn’t work 

Tears on the telephone you know we cant let go of your memory 

People ask me if I’m okay and i say i am okay 

Which I am if I don’t include the gaping hole you left in my life 

When you went home to be with Jesus 

I crack a smile every now and then so people don’t see the bleeding inside 

Your absence leaves a hole I cant quite fill 

I try to stay busy and I try to take the grief in small doses 

But I’m still bleeding inside 

It’s so odd to not have you around I almost always expect to come home and see you sitting in your chair 

Even though I’ve had almost 2 years to know that’s not going to happen 

I missed your call on my birthday last month the day just didn’t feel right 

But I’m slowly adjusting I’m slowly finding mentors to help fill the hole you left 

You’re still the mountain in my skyline even though you’re not here anymore 

You were everything I aspired to be 

Even though I’m still bleeding inside I’m staring to heal 

So, I’ll continue on cracking a smile and saying everything’s okay even when it’s not 

Because too often the only thing wrong is missing you.   

Inspired by the song Headlights Home by Mat Kearney