The 7 Desires Of Every Heart 

This is going to be a little different, this won’t be a poem more just something that was shared with me that I think needs to be shared with everyone.  There are 7 desires of every human heart.   I’m going to walk you through them because I think it’s quite powerful to know them and how to fulfill them in others as well as when those desires are triggered.    

Desire 1 is to be Heard and understood, to be listened to. To have your feelings, needs struggles, and opinions to be heard and understood. Desire 2 is to be affirmed for who you are and what you do.  Desire 3 is to be blessed, to know that you’re special because of who you are.  That you are loved because of who you are and that you don’t have to do anything to be deserving of that love.   Desire 4 is to be safe, to be free of fear and anxiety.  To be free to explore the world and take new risks.  

Desire 5 is to experience the touch of another human being.   We all need safe, non-sexual touch and interaction with and from other people.  It attributes to our well-being.   Desire 6 is to be chosen, to be selected and chosen for special relationships.   Whether that’s as someone’s partner in life or a best friend we all desire to be chosen. We all desire to be accepted; it’s the desire to be desired.   Our desire for marriage is partly the desire to be passionately desired.   Desire 7 is to be included; we all desire to belong.  But it’s broader than just the desire to be chosen we long to belong, to be in a community and be valued and feel like we belong.  We long to be a part of something larger than ourselves; it’s one of the most basic human desires.  It gives a sense of well-being and security.  

We are all born bearing the need to hear that we are beloved, cherished, precious, and loved greatly.  That we are lovable, attractive and deserving of love and affection.   That we are adequate, fully sufficient, suitable or even more than what was or is desired.   That we are uniquely gifted, one of a kind, and have special talent.  That we are worthy, adequate, of great merit, character, or value.   That we have a purpose, a grand purpose to which we have been called.   

Those not heard or understood while growing up may struggle to find their own voice.  Or struggle to speak out about what they feel, need, or desire.  Or they may talk a lot sometimes too much.   Those who didn’t get affirmed struggle to know if they ever get things right.  Any criticism thrown there way however constructive feels like an attack.  They might also not believe in compliments or be able to accept them.  

The lack of blessing causes shame and a constant need to find blessings.  AKA is the constant need for approval, but it never seems to accomplish the desired result.  Others will be put off by their self-centeredness and complaints.  When we confuse the desire to be affirmed with the desire to be blessed, we wind up thinking that their way of getting blessed is to do things.  We try to earn a blessing or prove our value all the time.   

 Growing up with a lack of safety creates feelings of fear and anxiety in the present.  People will get triggered by any perception on their own par that things might not be safe.    Perceptions are the key word here especially when there isn’t any danger; they’re perceiving it as such.  

Lack of healthy touch when young leads to chronic touch deprivation.   When people deprived of touch relate to others who do not touch, they will feel unloved and unsupported.  Remember its safe non-sexual touch; that’s the key here.   Not being chosen leaves wounds of feeling ugly, unattractive, unlikeable, deficient, and that there’s something wrong with you.  People with such wounds often constantly compare themselves to others.  Anyone that they perceive as being better or having achieved more will trigger unworthiness in themselves, and they won’t believe in compliments.   

Those not included as children may spend their adult lives constantly trying to fit in or avoid social situations altogether.  They will likely be either very shy or socially awkward. Not being invited or chosen for something will trigger feeling of pain sometimes so deeply on the emotional level that physical pain is experienced.  Trying to fit in, they will often say yes when they mean no and don’t want to do something.       

Huge shoutout to Mark and Debra Laaser who wrote the book The Seven Desire Of Every Heart and created the following file.  Also huge shoutout to Tim Groves for sharing this last night.   

also a link to Mark and Debra Laaser’s website Christian Sexual Addiction Recovery | Forgiven Much Ministries