I am not okay
I might say I am
Because I learned a long time ago how to hide it well
Though thankfully that’s something I’m unlearning
Slowly but surely
I’ve lost my Everest the man
Whose heights I aspired to reach
I lost him to cancer
So no I’m not okay
It’s not okay
He never got to see me get married
That he didn’t get to celebrate 40 years of marriage
With my mom
It was less than a month away for Christ’s sake
I’m not okay
But that’s okay
It’s okay to not be okay
It’ll all be alright in the end eventually
But right now
It’s not and that’s okay
I’m not the only one who’s struggling like this
Some days it’s not all bad
Some days are worse
Like my birthday the year after
It’s was a fresh wound ripped back open
Over time I’ll get closer to being okay
As this wound slowly scabs over
And the pain starts to recede
But I’ll never truly be alright in this life
But one day
I’ll be washed away in that holy water tide
And I won’t have to fight and struggle
In this world anymore
And I’ll be reunited with my father and all the others again
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This poem is a raw and heartfelt exploration of grief, resilience, and the slow journey toward healing. It captures the contradiction of grief—the way we learn to say “I’m okay” even when we’re not, and how unlearning that reflex becomes part of the healing process. It’s a beautifully honest piece, and its vulnerability makes it deeply relatable. Anyone who has lost a loved one will see themselves in these words. 💙 Thank you.