Kairosclerosis 

Definition The moment you look around and realize you’re currently happy—consciously trying to savor the feeling—which prompts your intellect to identify it, pick it apart, and put it in context, where it will slowly dissolve until it’s little more than an aftertaste. From the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows

I think most of us have experienced this before in some shape or form 

Especially when you’ve been going through something 

Especially when you haven’t been happy for a while and then  

All of a sudden it hits you like a blinding flash of light 

Then your mind does what it does 

And overthinks comparing, finding flaws,  and reminding you of just how bad everything really is 

Till finally all you’re left with is the bitter aftertaste of soured happiness 

And you wonder if it was really worth it  

Because you feel worse than you did before 

Especially since you’ve had a glimpse of happiness before your stupid brain picked it apart into meaningless scraps 

So, you’re left in what is potentially a worse state than you were before the happiness  

But as they say therein lies the rub 

If you allow yourself to be tricked by your own mind back into the darkness and despair where it’s comfortable and familiar 

Where you’re used to being when this feeling comes about this Kairosclerosis  

Then you’re just giving into your darkest impulses and you won’t make any progress away from the dark places that haunt you 

You have to harvest those meaningless scraps  

And build them into a roaring fire inside of yourself to remind you what  

Warmth and happiness feel like  

To banish the shadows from your mind 

And treasure that feeling of warmth and lightness for when the shadows encroach again 

Because you never truly beat them  

Just as the sun sets each day so too do those shadows come back.   

A huge shout out to Sara Castaneda for introducing me to a new word and the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows. Thanks for the suggestion Sara.