The Lies Told And Sometimes Believed

The voices of demons

And my self-doubt

Tell me that my savior has abandoned me

That everyone I know and love

Will abandon me

That I should scream out

And tell God to go fuck himself

That all of my problems are his fault

That he made me broken and there

Is no redemption or healing in his name

No peace no love to be found

That he’s left me broken down and paralyzed

But these are all lies

But even lies hold some truth

Yes I was made broken in mind

But that so his glory may shine forth brighter

If I was not broken in the beginning

And healed by his hand and by

Medicine that nature allows to work

Then how could I shine a light into dark places

For the very same pain

The very same hurts that have

Burdened my soul

Allow me to reach others

For O brother O sister I have been there

I have lived in depths of unspeakable hell

Created by the betrayal of my own mind

By chemical imbalances

By the hurt caused me by others

I have lived through it

I have been burdened by it

And I have come out alive and better

I have been not been freed entirely of my burdens

But my Jesus who is stronger carries them with me

I can move mountains when he provides me his strength

I have saved the lives of others

Because I have been where they are

Where they have been

I freed myself from the lies

And so can you.

Inspired by the song Judith by A Perfect Circle. Which was suggested by Brett Hardi.

The song  was  written after the artists mother became wheelchair-bound after a stroke, Maynard’s despairing incredulity that she could still keep her belief in God despite her suffering is painfully, tear-inducingly, present.