Introverted
All my life I have been introverted
Shunning most social events
And most people
But these days I long to be extroverted
I long for the ease I see other people have in conversations
And social interactions
When I struggle to introduce myself
I struggle to speak I struggle to find the words
But when I’m with people I know the words flow free
When I write I say the things I wish I could in person
The words flow fast and free
Is the prison I find myself in of my own making
Can I change it
I plead with the walls around myself
To break down to open up
To let me find a new way out
A new way to be
But I don’t even know where to begin
Or where to end
They say the first step is realizing there is something wrong
Or something you want to change
But I’ve been stuck on that first step for years
And now its on the list of problems
Its on the list of issues
How do you move forward when you don’t know how
How can you move past your habits of years
Your well-earned fear and mistrust of people
The thought that no one wants to hear from you
That no one is interested in what you have to say
How do you become more than you’ve always been
How do you change a fundamental part of yourself
Do you really want to
There is peace and comfortableness here
Where outside is the unknown
Do you really want it
Or is that what you’ve been made to believe
How do you find the strength to change
When you don’t even know how to start
How do you make it work
When all you’ve ever seen it do is fail
When you try
When does it become easier
To talk to a stranger
Or to someone that you see all the time
But never find the courage to actually talk to
How do you start a conversation and keep it going
When you can’t stand small talk
The basic building block
Of social interaction
When all your life you’ve been an outsider
How do you change that
When you spend most of your time alone
How do you change the way you fundamentally operate
When long social interaction wears you down
And tires you out
How do you find the strength to branch out
How do you do it
When you don’t know how?