Introverted

All my life I have been introverted

Shunning most social events

And most people

But these days I long to be extroverted

I long for the ease I see other people have in conversations

And social interactions

When I struggle to introduce myself 

I struggle to speak I struggle to find the words

But when I’m with people I know the words flow free

When I write I say the things I wish I could in person

The words flow fast and free

Is the prison I find myself in of my own making

Can I change it

I plead with the walls around myself

To break down to open up

To let me find a new way out

A new way to be

But I don’t even know where to begin

Or where to end

They say the first step is realizing there is something wrong

Or something you want to change

But I’ve been stuck on that first step for years

And now its on the list of problems

Its on the list of issues

How do you move forward when you don’t know how

How can you move past your habits of years

Your well-earned fear and mistrust of people

The thought that no one wants to hear from you

That no one is interested in what you have to say

How do you become more than you’ve always been

How do you change a fundamental part of yourself

Do you really want to

There is peace and comfortableness here

Where outside is the unknown

Do you really want it

Or is that what you’ve been made to believe

How do you find the strength to change

When you don’t even know how to start

How do you make it work

When all you’ve ever seen it do is fail

When you try

When does it become easier

To talk to a stranger

Or to someone that you see all the time

But never find the courage to actually talk to

How do you start a conversation and keep it going

When you can’t stand small talk

The basic building block

Of social interaction

When all your life you’ve been an outsider

How do you change that

When you spend most of your time alone

How do you change the way you fundamentally operate

When long social interaction wears you down

And tires you out

How do you find the strength to branch out

How do you do it

When you don’t know how?