Sailing the ocean blue

Almost 3 years have gone by and here i am sailing on the ocean blue

Ecig on one side margarita on the other

Noise cancelation on I’m about as lose to peace as i usually come

Deck 11 mid contemplating 11 aft

I’m grooving to my own music with the ships in the background

Wondering and contemplating the state of life

These days life isn’t is a simple as it once seemed

Bouncing back and forth between work and home with to little time in between

Do I work to live or do i live to work

Questions that haunt my mind

Whether asleep or awake

Should i stay or should i go

I want to live a better life

Free from the constraints of my current one

Free from the mental anguish be pain i subject shelf to on an almost daily basis

If i stay a retirement not easily rivaled

If i go maybe higher or lower pay

A lesser retirement

But maybe a better life

For sure i would stop contributing to my CPSTD

But i am strong enough to start over

What would i do

Where would i go

Sometimes i contemplate buying a an renovating it and living

Happy and free i do think that would be its own kind of stress for me at least

No schedule

Nowhere to fit

Nowhere to be

I think it would drive me insane

Soon i hope to try some different medications and see how i fare

Change a new medication improve my life or is that a pipe dream

Is this the best I can get or i can be more

I don’t know what life brings

Today tomorrow

A week, month or year down the road

So here is sit rambling and ranting

A madman screaming into the void

Yelling into the chasm that is reality

The space between us i hope and i pray

My life Carrie through and rings true but i know not

If it does or if i ‘m just screaming helplessly into the void

Wasting my breath

On a message

That no one hears

Should i stay or should i go

Who am i without my job

Who would i be

I doubt know anymore

As i contemplate my existence

I find more questions than answers

On this road i walk to hell or naught

I don’t know but i seek answers to questions i ask

And to questions as yet untold

I know not where this road leads

I only know it continues onward towards h horizon

Towards my eventual goals somehow some way

I March inexplicably onward

Always onward and upward

To a fate I don’t know

To fates i can only dream of

To fates i dare not hope for anymore

I march ever onward

For i cannot will not stop

I shall continue forward till my body fails

This i have promise his i shall do

Sailing on an ocean blue

Deep and treacherous

Such is life

Such am i

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